youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
