Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
