Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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