I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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