Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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