I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
