Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When are your genitals available?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
