i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Who died my cat blue again?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
