I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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