peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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