He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
