went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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