Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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