When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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