this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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