Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
