I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
