i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
