she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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