in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
