She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
