I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
