I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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