oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
