So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
