I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
