You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
