last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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