exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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