Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
