Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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