She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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