I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
