dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
