I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
