I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
