Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
