I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
