roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize