I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
