Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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