I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
