Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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