How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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