if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
