she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
