I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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