You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
