ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
