evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my vagina is haunted
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
