Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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