Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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