i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
