I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
