the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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