She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
