I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
