Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
