So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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