if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
