i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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