She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
