can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize