I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
