How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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