how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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