Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
