he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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